Posts from — May 2009

i just got through describing why you need a love triangle.  if you haven’t read that entry, you probably need to do that for this to make sense.  but assuming (and i know how dangerous that is) you have your triangle complete, let me tell you a few benefits i see of keeping the love triangle alive in your love life.  

first, your pursuit of God brings transformation of your life that you need to be a better lover.  as you experience the love, grace, forgiveness, peace, patience, strength, joy, kindness, and blessing of God, you become a different person.  not only do you become a different person, but you become a better lover.  in any relationship, you can’t give what you don’t have.  but when you receive from God unconditional love, grace, forgiveness, etc, now you have something to share with the one you love.

second, your pursuit of God provides good boundaries for your relationship.  it’s like this.  my dog gracie wears a shock collar when she goes outside.  if she gets close to getting too far from the house and outside the safe zone, her collar beeps.  if she keeps going away from the house, the collar zaps her with an electric shock until she runs back close to the house.  God doesn’t put a collar around your neck (although it’s not a bad idea- ok maybe it is), but He does put His Spirit in your heart and the spirit warns us and even zaps us if we get outside of Christ-like behavior in the relationship.  the deal is i can’t walk with God and mistreat the person i love at the same time.  i can mistreat my wife, but i can’t walk with God and do that.  and if i try, His spirit brings conviction (the zap) either that i’m distant from Him or in disobedience to Him by the way i treat my girl. make sense? don’t answer that.

another benefit is that the triangle gives unity to my relationship.  if you and the one you love are both chasing God, you are chasing the same thing and are running together.  God isn’t a God of confusion or division, He is a God of unity and order.  translated, God won’t tell you one thing and your love another.  if your goal is God, and you both get to the goal, then by definition, you are going to come to the same place- agreement and unity.  that’s why paul told us not to get yoked up with someone who isn’t chasing God (2 Corinthians 6:14-17).  the best way to experience intimacy and closeness, is to agree that God is the goal of the relationship.  by the way, this means there is no such thing as an irreconcilable difference too. in Christ, we are always able to reconcile.

finally, the love triangle provides perspective on everything else in life.  stuff pulls at you daily- work, finances, friends, kids, hobbies- they all vie for your time, attention, and energy.  the tendency in life is to drift toward those things that make demands of you and you end up getting your priorities all out of whack and at the same time your love life loses it’s edge because your love isn’t a priority.  how do you keep from letting stuff come between you and your love?  easy, you just keep walking with God because He daily reminds you of what is most important- God first, spouse second, and then all the other stuff somewhere after that.

this might get a bit confusing, but stay with me.  if your love relationship is going to be any good, you need a love triangle.  yeah, that’s right, but i promise it’s probably not what you are thinking.  if i were tech savvy i would draw this, but since i’m not either you have to imagine it or draw it yourself.  on a piece of paper, draw yourself (stick people work, they make you look skinnier too) and then on the opposite side of the page, draw a stick person that represents the person you are in love with.  then draw a straight line from you to them (in my drawing usually that line is 6″-8″).  now in your love life, the goal of your relationship is to make this distance as short as possible, right?  ie, you want to get as close as you can.  so how do you do that?  people try all kinds of ways to get and stay close, but here is the best way and the only way that works long term- you have to add God to the mix.  above your stick couple and in the middle of the line connecting you two, write God (you can’t draw Him b/c nobody knows what He looks like).  now draw a line from you to God and a line from the one you love to God.  the picture in front of you should be a triangle- you and your love on the bottom angles and God at the top of the pyramid.  now here is why you need this love triangle.  you need God in your life and your goal in life, even above your relationship with the person you love, should be to walk as closely with God as possible.  you need to pursue God.  you need to read the Bible, pray, worship, live, all the spiritual disciplines and everything in your life should be aimed at God. now on your triangle, draw another stick you on the line connected to God, but a lot closer to God than the first stick you (that’s called spiritual growth).  as you chase God, you get closer to Him.  at the same time, suppose the person you love does the same thing- they too go all out for God, chasing hard after Him and over time, they too move up their line of connection to God and become much closer to Him. draw a new stick them closer to God like the new stick you.  now draw a new line between the two new stick people that have gotten closer to God.  what happens to the distance between the two of you as you chase God and get closer to Him?  that’s right, you get drawn closer together.  now you see why you need a love triangle. if you really want to experience lasting love, the best way to do it is to chase after God and let Him draw you together.

in matthew 15, the religious leaders got bent at Jesus because His disciples didn’t wash their hands before they ate- thus breaking the tradition of the elders.  Jesus called the crowd of people together and said it’s not what enters your mouth that defiles you, but what comes out of your mouth that does.  later (matthew 15:15), peter asked Jesus to explain what that meant.  so Jesus broke it off like this.  ”Do you not understand that everything that goes into the mouth passes into the stomach and is eliminated?  but the things that proceed out of the mouth come from the heart, and those defile the man.  for out of the heart come evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, slanders.  these are the things which defile the man; but to eat with unwashed hands does not defile the man.”

so many times i think we still fall into that trap of focusing on the externals while ignoring the real issue- our heart.  we want to make sure that nobody goes to the wrong place or drinks the wrong thing, or doesn’t do this or does do that.  and i get that we have to be conspicuous in the way we live- holy even.  but Jesus just seemed to care about a whole different set of stuff and degree of “rightness” than we do.  somehow i don’t think He got tore up over the stuff we get bent about.  He fixated on the internal stuff- thoughts, passions, attitudes.  more directly, He’s interested in my thoughts, my passions, my attitudes… and yours too.  the external stuff, He said, doesn’t defile us and make us unclean.  but the mess i tolerate in my mind, the hate i let linger in my heart, the selfishness in my spirit, that stuff keeps me from the purity He desires in me.  i’m reminded of what david wrote in psalm 139- God sees it all- he knows my thoughts and my words- even before i speak them.  so at the end of the psalm david asked God to search him and try him to see if there was “any hurtful way IN me.”  maybe that’s really what i need to be striving for too.  i can have my outer man in complete conformity with all religious expectations and still be far from God because of what i hold in my heart.  but if my heart is completely given to God and pure, then it doesn’t matter what anybody else says about my outside.  

i think this is a word for the church today.  what is it that we are really concerned about- making sure people “behave” or trying to help people love God from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith?

Jesus contrasted living by your lips versus living by your heart. in God’s eyes, you can’t just talk the spiritual talk, you have to really have a spiritual heart and walk.  He says in Matthew 15:7-9- You hypocrites, rightly did Isaiah prophesy of you: This people honors me with their lips, but their heart is far away from me.  but in vain to they worship me, teaching as doctrines the precepts of men.  lip service is talking a good game, saying all the right things, even going through the right motions, but not really living out or believing the things you profess.  Jesus told us repeatedly that it’s not what we say to him, for him or about him that matters. it’s possible to say great things and make great confessions with our lips and still completely miss the whole point of spiritual life and relationship with Jesus- matthew 7:21-23.  jesus says lip service is empty and vain.

what really matters is the condition and position of our heart.  it is with the heart that you believe (romans 10:9-10), you love (matthew 22:37, you sing (colossians 3:16), you obey (romans 6:17), you give (2 corinthians 9:7), it’s what the spirit searches (romans 8:27), and what the Father wants to clean (psalm 51:10).  spiritual life flows from the heart.  that’s who you really are.  Jesus doesn’t want me to keep my heart far away from Him while i talk a bunch of spiritual emptiness.  He wants my heart to be completely given to him- even if i don’t say a word.  

you know what that affects?  it affects everything.  if i sing in church, it’s not just that i sing the words, but do i mean them.  if i give to the poor, it’s not my action that matters, it’s my heart condition- am i hating it and really greedy on the inside.  i need to obey God from the heart, not because i want you to think i’m spiritual or “good” or because i think i can impress God.  when i love, it can’t be a self-serving love.  it affects my faith- relationship with God isn’t found in saying the right prayer or making a confession i don’t believe or understand.  spiritual life flows from my heart- where i determine how i love, what i believe, whom i obey, when i sing, and why i give.