VOICES OF PINELAKE | JUNE 8, 2025

Change Your Serve, Not Your Spouse – Ted Cunningham

Sermon Highlights

Key Passage: Philippians 2:3-8, 14

Marriage is a gift from God designed to reflect Christ’s love through mutual service, humility, and unity. However, in a culture shaped by unrealistic expectations and quick fixes, many couples believe myths that lead to disappointment and distance.

Five common marriage myths:

  1. A good match guarantees marital satisfaction.
  2. Compatibility is easy and automatic.
  3. Healthy couples avoid conflict.
  4. Big issues cause most divorces.
  5. Shared interests keep us together.

Relationships don’t thrive on autopilot. Philippians 2 reminds us that love flows from humility. A strong marriage grows when each spouse commits to seeing their relationship through the lens of Christ’s example.

Four practical shifts help cultivate a lasting, Christ-centered marriage:

  1. Keep your flame lit – Protect intimacy and prioritize one another (Genesis 2:24).
  2. Place your mask on first – Care for your soul so you can care for your spouse (Galatians 6:2, 5; Luke 5:16).
  3. Drop the magnifying glass – Focus on your own growth rather than your spouse’s flaws (Matthew 7:3).
  4. Change your serve – Serve with humility and joy, reflecting Jesus’ posture (Philippians 2:3–4).

Whether you’re newly married or decades in, lasting love is possible when each person commits to daily surrender, spiritual growth, and sacrificial service. Marriage isn’t about finding someone who meets your every need. It’s about becoming someone who reflects the love of Jesus.

INTRO

Icebreaker Question: Who’s one couple (real or fictional) you admire, and what’s something they do that just works?

Transition to Group Discussion: No matter your relationship status, we all notice what makes some couples thrive. We all have relationships that can grow stronger through humility, service, and grace. Let’s turn to Scripture and see what that looks like in real life.

GROUP DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

Leader Note: If your group is made up of married people, consider starting by asking what stood out to them from the sermon. Their responses may lead to more specific questions, concerns, or insights about marriage. Let the conversation flow from there, and keep pointing back to God’s Word as your foundation.

Read Philippians 2:3–4. When are you most likely to prioritize your interests over those of others in relationships? What would it look like to shift toward humility and service, especially with the people closest to you?

Read James 4:1–2. Conflict often starts beneath the surface. What kinds of unmet desires or unspoken expectations tend to stir up frustration in your relationships? How do you usually respond?

Read Genesis 2:24. What helps a marriage feel like true oneness instead of just living side by side? If you’re married, when have you felt most connected? If you’re single, what kind of connection do you think this verse points to?

Read Luke 5:16. Jesus made space to be alone with the Father. What helps you recharge spiritually, and how does that time affect the way you show up in your relationships?

In what ways do you find yourself using a “magnifying glass” in relationships, focusing on the faults of others? What helps you shift back to examining your own heart?

Read Galatians 6:2 and 6:5. What does it look like to support someone without taking on what isn’t yours to carry? How can this balance protect a marriage or friendship from burnout?

Read Philippians 2:5–8. Jesus chose humility even when He had every right not to. What would it look like for you to choose humility in a current relationship or situation?

Read Philippians 2:14. When you’re frustrated or feel unappreciated in a relationship, what helps you respond without grumbling or blame?

NEXT STEP

Let’s take what we’ve talked about and turn it into something practical.

If you’re married: Choose one practical way to serve your spouse this week—not to prove a point or fix something, but simply to reflect the humility and love of Christ. Write it down and ask God for the strength to follow through with joy.

If you’re single: Think about a close relationship where you can reflect Christ’s mindset of humility and service. What’s one way you can put someone else’s needs ahead of your own this week?

PRAYER

If someone has shared about a struggling marriage: If someone opened up during the discussion about their marriage struggles, take time to pray specifically for them. If they’re comfortable, gather around, lay hands on them, and ask God to bring healing, strength, and humility. Pray that God will meet them right where they are and do what only He can do.

If no one shared specifically: Close by asking God to grow humility, love, and unity in every relationship represented in the group. Pray that married couples would serve each other like Christ, and that singles would reflect His love in every season. Ask for open hearts, restored connections, and the courage to live what you’ve learned.